Monday, January 7, 2008
I'm Still Standing . . .
Ok. It is finally time. I've been mighty silent these past two weeks or so.It is time to break the silence and let y'all know what's been going on in my little world.
I didn't wish anybody "Merry Christmas" or "Happy New Year".
{More on my holidays later in another post.}
I didn't really intend to stay away so long when I left. Yet circumstances necessitated the break.
Happy New Year Everyone!!
So, with the obligatory greetings out of the way, let's get right down to it.
I've been sitting in front of this screen for almost two hours, well, on and off between loads of laundry and other tasks that beckon me from my all-too-quiet home.
My mind is awhirl with all that has transpired in the last few weeks, and I am also quaking inside from the events of this morning alone.
I managed to put on a brave face for my darlings this morning, yet I was acutely aware of all my feelings as my face crumpled when I returned to the van alone to take DP to work this morning.
So many mixed emotions fill my little heart this day. Yet, I take comfort in the verse above, as well as the knowledge that my Heavenly Father is not surprised by the details of this day or any other I face while I am here on this earth.
- He knew from the beginning of time that I would send my three children back to public school today.
- He knew I would try valiantly to homeschool.
- He knew I would try to obey Him in that venture.
- He knew the obstacles I would face.
- He knew the personalities of my children.
- He knew the demons I would fight to educate my children at home.
- He knew it would stress me out and cause me to fall on my face before Him.
- He knew homeschooling would drive our family to our knees for wisdom.
- He knew I was not cut out to be a homeschooling mom forever.
- He is NOT disappointed in me one iota for driving my children to school today and dropping them off with ladies who have been called to teach and love their chosen careers.
- He is not surprised that my heart is feeling like it is being ripped from my chest.
- He is also not surprised that a small, but ever-growing part of me is relieved that I am no longer wandering around in a forest of unfamiliarity, banging my head against the trees in trying to accomplish a task not suited for me.
- He is not surprised at my weaknesses, and He does not patronize me for them.
- He will comfort me and send others to comfort me as well.
- He gets me. This song has touched my heart today.
- He knows where I am headed next. Oh, how glad I am of that!
I drove home this morning after heading to the local tire place to get one fixed after a flat we got on the way to XL last night. I pulled into the driveway and thought, "I am by myself!?! For hours on end!! What do I do now?"
Now, the possibilities are endless. I think that is what has my mind whirling this morning. I can do tons of things, but yet part of me is so emotionally and physically exhausted from the past couple of years that I long to shove all the opportunities aside for a little bit and catch up on my rest.
Maybe that's ok for a little while.
As the days and weeks unfold, I will be sharing more of our journey and decision to end our homeschooling path. Know that we came to a peaceful realization that this was the right time for all five of us to embark on something new and fresh for the year.
Also, know that I will be sharing the ways God will be filling my time and my tank. I'm so sorry I missed out on a couple of weeks of Thanks Tanks, but I really felt a need to focus on my children wholeheartedly these past two weeks as I said "goodbye" to all we'd known as familiar to us. I have still been reading your blogs over the break and will make more of a concerted effort to comment in the coming days.
So, while I have stepped into a new "river" of sorts as I start this new journey with my family, I am comforted by the promise that "they will not sweep over [me]" Isaiah 43:2
I would truly appreciate your prayers as we make this transition as a family.
Labels: childhood, family, homeschooling, stepping out
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12 Comments:
I'm proud of you, Peach, and your family. I am sure this was not a decision you came to lightly.
I am familiar with your sadness. It will pass, but that doesn't help you much right now. My good thoughts are with you. I encourage you to stay busy and find projects. Speaking for myself, without projects, I tend to sit all day, reading blogs, doing nothing productive and the result is depression. Take it one day at a time and you'll find you are enough company for yourself. :)
Dear Peach,
If you are like me, you have worked all of this out in your head and now need a bit of time to let your heart catch up. It will be good for you to just rest in Him for a while. I am confindent He will direct you in the way He would have you go.
I pray peace and contentment for all of you as you begin this new season. I think soon you will be excited about what the Lord will do.
Rest for now, and wait until you are ready to fill your days again. I know it must have been a hard decision, but only you know what is right for your family,and for you too, Peach. I agree with Linda.... God has different plans for us all!
You will never realize what an encouragement your verse was, for me, today! As I sit here weeping, I want you to know that God has used you more than I could express!
Thanks, Pam!
Amy
Wow, Pam. I applaud you and your DP for stepping out and trusting God with your family this way. You may have some ups and downs ahead of you as you adjust to the changes, but I think you will be pleasantly surprised at how God will use this in your family. Our public school experience has been an excellent one--not the "nightmare" you sometimes see warned about in the blogosphere. If you want to talk about it, you know where to reach me.
Hi Pam: This is such an honest post. It actually really spoke to me. I have never homeschooled; our 2 daughters are in a public school because we feel that as Christians we need to shine our lights in the darkness. We have only had positive experiences...I am not kidding. Up here in NYS, things can get pretty liberal but believe it or not we are in a fairly conservative district for which we are thankful. I do know what it is like to have endless hours on end...I pray that the Lord will show you His plans for you now...whatever they may be (I went back to work part time every a.m. this year...after a time of just 2 days a week or full time at home). Like it says in Jeremiah 29: He knows the plans He has for you...to give you Hope and a purpose. Blessings to you!
Pam,
I'm so surprised to hear all this. But seeing that you know who is in control when things are not working out the way that you planned fills my heart with joy. It doesn't lessen any of your loneliness, but it tells me that you know who will fill this void in time.
I ask you to consider the blessing you've had to be with your kids the way you have. Since The Boy turned 3 I had to go back to FT work and I missed some time that I cannot get back, no matter how much I would like to.
You've got my number if you want help with filling those quiet times! Love you!
Aw, sweetie...I wished I lived closer so we could come get ya outta the house as well! As someone who is just going *into* homeschooling, I can't get my mind around getting back out just yet! LOL But, as the others have said, I know you trust in the One who knows and will be praying that the transition is as peaceful as possible.
This is a huge transition, Pam. I completely understand how those eight hours of solitude every day look to you right now.
My advice? Ease into it. Before you know it, you'll find yourself filling your days with things you never even thought you wanted to do.
Praying for you during this whole week, Pam!
Amy~
I don't know how to reach you, but I am touched that this post ministered to you. Praise the Lord, alone.
It's not an easy thing to do, and I know my day will eventually come. I am proud of you for following His lead and going forth, despite the pain. He is so gracious and has already worked it all out. Look forward for what he has in store for YOU! Life is full of seasons and this one is just beginning to bloom! :) Hugs to you!
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