Friday, February 29, 2008
Levels of Humiliation
Still feeling like something you'd probably throw out of your refrigerator as too old or no longer useful for consumption.

At the risk of sounding as gross as some of the "poopy" mama bloggers (and you know who they are) , I no longer feel like I have much left to offer that hasn't been blown out in a kleenex or oozed out of my ear onto an ugly t-shirt covering my pillow case.

Quick update, then I'll explain Savion Glover's visit to my blog today. Certainly he is a man "without fear, " so he came dancin' for me today.

Anyway, I am attempting tongue in cheek humor in order to put a "happy" spin on the fact that as soon as I finish this post I must head back to my bed for the sixth day in a row.

Yesterday was a day of no relief from the constant drainage mingled with bouts of pain, nausea, dizziness and all over malaise (don't know why I love that word, but I do.) Bear with me here. You are my only contact with the outside world while everyone is at work and school.

So, what's a girl to do when she's still sick and needs to get better in order to efficiently take care of her family? Go back to the doctor. Yes, I did.

What did he do? Looked in my ear and said, "Boy, that still looks really red in there. I'm not sure why it's still draining so much, but we can give you a stronger antibiotic to see if that will help."

I'm thinkin' . . . well, that might work, but the first one hasn't done much. Where's the prescription?

He says, "We'll give you a shot of Rocephin. The nurse will be in to administer it in a moment."

WHAT!?!?!?! A shot?!!? Mamas don't get shots. Mamas hold their babies and toddlers while they get shots. Mamas cry along with their babies and toddlers and tell them how the shot will keep them from getting sick in the first place and this is for their own good and all that.

I am thinking to myself in the extraordinarily long time it took three minutes to pass that I might just hightail it out of the back door while the nurse is preparing said shot for this mama's bum. Yes, the humiliation dips further.

I had to go to the doctor a second time. I had to have DP drive me because my equilibrium has relegated me to one equal to a .08 BAC (that's blood alcohol content or concentration, for you teetotalers). I had to leave my house and be seen in public looking like death barely warmed over. (what does that really mean anyway? Who wants warmed over death? Ick!!)

Now I also have to bare my bum for a needle for a shot that I can only recall with utter lack of fondness. Libbyline had not one but two of these shots at age five for pneumonia, and she writhed in pain on the examining table as I tried simultaneously to comfort her and wipe the streams of tears from my own cheeks for having agreed to put her through so much pain.

My only consolation in the whole deal was I got to preference the cheek . . . ha! I can't even believe I just wrote that!!

After lying on my right side for days and having my ear pressed to the mattress, there was no way nurse lady was coming at my right side.

So, I modestly revealed the left, and she said what all nurses learn to say in "Stab The Patient 101"

"You're going to feel a little stick." (and in a whisper, "followed by a burning sensation from the depths of Sheol")

I told her that it wasn't as bad as I thought. I wasn't about to tell her it felt like someone had just shot me in the b'hiney with a flaming arrow and that it was now seeping into every cavity of my blood stream.

I just walked it out for the obligatory 15 minutes, got a release and a receipt, and skulked back to our van where my DP was waiting for my bad self. Then I went back to bed . . . again, where I've been until now.

That brings us to Savion's appearance today.

How many days does it take to get hair like his? I've never personally had a real affinity for dread locks. Now don't get me wrong. Savion wears them well. His talented feet make his locks fly and dance right along with him.

However, the mild-mannered homebody/housewife/blogger extraordinaire that I am cannot really carry off Savion Glover's hair do.

Yet, after (collective GASP) four days without washing my hair, I look like that might be the look I'm goin' for -- Ack!

So, after all this, I am headed back to my pillow for more dread lock practice, a world that doesn't look dizzy and distorted when I turn my head too quickly, and for a clean ugly t-shirt on which to ooze.

Catch y'all again soon when I am hopefully reporting some great effects from my bum stick.

On His Never Boring Adventure~

Love Pam

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  Pam fearlessly posted at 2/29/2008 10:39:00 AM  
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Thursday, February 28, 2008
Thursday Thanks Tank #93

Trying to do this while making sure none of the side effects
of my ear infection/rupture get in my way.

We'll see how this goes. I am thankful this week for:

My DP, who is amazingly strong in the face of adversity (or in this case, the face of a wife in excruciating pain -- something he's really never seen in 14 years of marriage). He stepped up to the plate and cared for me tirelessly, all while missing an entire day's work and being Mr. Mom.

My dear MIL, who calls to check on me and can even make me laugh when I can barely lift my head from the pillow. How I love this woman!

My precious girls, who felt better yesterday, but still needed to stay home to fully recouperate, and did so while taking care of their sickly mama. Thanks for the yogurt, the soup, the smiles, the hugs, and for watching the movie right in here at the computer
with me so I didn't have to get out of bed.

You. Yes, thank you for even taking the time to stop by this old place anymore. Thank you for your prayers, your encouragement, your emails, and your care for me. I am thankful for your presence in my life and that God has chosen to use this forum to allow our paths to cross.

I'll let you decide how and where you post your thanks today. Unfortunately one of the side effects of this whole ordeal is constant drainage from my ear.
I am going back to lie down and try to recover a little more gracefully.

On His Adventure . . . even now~
Love Pam

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  Pam fearlessly posted at 2/28/2008 08:29:00 AM  
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Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Update from Pam's DP
Pam went to the Dr. this morning and has a raging ear infection with a perforation in her ear drum. For most of the day she has been in terrible pain, but the medicine does seem to helping a little bit.

We would certainly appreciate your continued prayers on her behalf.

  Pam fearlessly posted at 2/26/2008 09:23:00 PM  
  11 came and visited



Better and Worse
After several days of Sweetcheeks missing school and new symptoms on the rise, I finally broke down and took her and Libbyline both to the doctor last evening. We went to the local Urgent Care clinic, which is a hotbed of germage that made this mama want to bathe in Germ -X on our way out the door.

I told both girls during our 2 + hour wait that if we weren't sick when we arrived, we certainly would be before we left.

We see the doctor finally. He checks the ailments we've shared and comes up with a diagnosis: Strep throat -- for both girls + a little ear redness for Libbyline. So, we are looking at another day cooped up in the house, missing Bible study for the mama, and struggling with overall feeling crummy.

I just want to run away. Sickness is all around me and has taken up residence inside as well. I am doing a lot better with the spinning and the facial pressure. That is a blessing.

However, AFTER we returned from Urgent Care I began to feel excruciating ear pain, coupled with a sore throat. My right ear is completely stopped up, and while I can't hear out of it at all, I am treated to a giant whooshing sound every time I move my head the slightest.

I've now been up since 1:15 am and can't lay my head down without wanting to scream aloud. This is a sort of pain I've not experienced in a VERY long time. I have a renewed empathy for all those precious little babies who deal with ear infections and can't express clearly the level of pain they suffer. It is BAD!!!

I hate to ask DP to miss part of a day of work, but I don't know that I can make it without some relief from the doctor. Please pray I can get in and out today without consequence and that something will provide me the quick pain relief I must have in order to function and take care of the other two sick people in my house.

Think I'll head out to the kitchen and make myself a cup of something hot since I'm going to be up anyway. I'll be praying for you. Sure beats sitting here feeling sorry for myself.

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  Pam fearlessly posted at 2/26/2008 04:02:00 AM  
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Sunday, February 24, 2008
I'm Not Feeling So Good/Sunday Scripture


Jesus answered them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick." Luke 5:31 (NIV)


This is how my head feels right about now. Please pray the world will stop spinning and that I'll feel better soon. Back to bed now. My DP will be on my case if he finds out I got out to post. I just needed prayer support. Thanks! Have a blessed Sunday!

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  Pam fearlessly posted at 2/24/2008 09:28:00 AM  
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Thursday, February 21, 2008
Thursday Thanks Tank #92
A little late this morning, but Sweetcheeks and I have been hanging out, sharing a box of kleenex, alternating sniffles, playing Webkinz, eating delectable omelettes, and listening to this girlfriend -- one of our favorites -- Jesus, our Lord IS MARVELOUS!!!

Anyway, what week! Yesterday JD Green was also home, and the mama took extraordinary care of him so that he could hurry back to his teacher today. He was feeling a little too good by yesterday afternoon, and coupled with the mama's decline -- the daddy's homecoming could not have come soon enough. JD was eager to return to the land of school today -- tho' leaving his toys behind gave him a moment's pause (at least until I pressed him closer to the exit).

Enough rambling . . . let's get to the fillin' of that tank! Here's how God has filled me up in spite of the fountains of mucous this week:

1. Quiet Moments: Yes, those were found while everyone was engrossed with glazed eyes in front of a movie, but it was demand-free for about 119 minutes . . . woo hoo!

2. Fever: That stopped JD in his tracks Tuesday night for 3 1/2 hours. He lay down after returning from school and never stirred again until 8 pm. Now, I am not glad he was sick, but for him to rest in the middle of the day like that is a huge blessing. He needed the rest and got what he needed. God is good.

3. My New Paint Job: My parents were here last week, and my dad spent last Tuesday painting our room the very shade of blue of my sweater from yesterday's post. I love it and have dubbed it "bluebonnet" blue after one of my absolute favorite flowers.

4. Sweet Stuff: A couple of my recent indulgences = this and this. (Arriba, indeed!)

5. Sweet Fellowship: Had lunch with a dear friend (A) on Tuesday. What a treat in the middle of the week and shoring up of encouragement before the sickness hit with its full force.

6. New Sister: I didn't welcome her into the fold on her mama's blog the other day, so I thought I'd let her know how thrilled I really am right here. Welcome, dear, little sister!!

7. Cherry Limeade: Oh, to live in the place where they make it better than I've ever had it! I love me some Sonic! My precious DP went out special to get me a HUGE one last night, and it tasted fantastic on my scratchy throat.

8. My Man: You knew that was next, didn't you? He is a fabulous man and lives up to that DP each and every day in some way. He indulges my whims and takes such good care of me even when I'm looking more like this than his princess. I sure love you, Honey!

9. My New Washer: I know other mama's who have gotten new ones recently, and they have exuded boundless excitement over a household appliance. I am joining the cheering section! I got one of these last Monday, and I am beside myself with dizzying joy. I am actually ahead of my laundry schedule this week -- and that's after washing sheets and comforters yesterday! You know you are old when you find yourself giddy over a new appliance. I am giddy!

10. My Savior: Once again, He has sustained me. He has extended me grace abundant. He has poured out His extravagant love on me, and I have been able to share that with my family. Praise Him, O praise Him!

Now, you know what to do. Take the button from the top of this post to your site and create your own Thanks Tank, or leave me a list of how God is filling your tank in my comments. Either way, we get to share in the ways God is blessing and filling us up! How cool is that!

Have a Thanks-filled day!

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  Pam fearlessly posted at 2/21/2008 11:04:00 AM  
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Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Wednesday Words

I've been thinking so much about what I've read recently at each of the blogs of those who went to Uganda last week. I wake up each morning thinking of all those children and how Compassion and those who sponsor a child are making a difference for families, both for now and for future generations. They are about the mission of hope.

Hope.

That is my word for the day.

"Hope is faith holding out its hands in the dark."
~~George Iles

If you want to join us in giving hope to a child, go here.

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  Pam fearlessly posted at 2/20/2008 08:28:00 AM  
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Wordless Wednesday

For other Wordless Wednesday posts, go here or here!

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  Pam fearlessly posted at 2/20/2008 08:24:00 AM  
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Monday, February 18, 2008
My Response . . . A Life Changed
Update: Shaun Groves has set up a place to leave your Compassion stories and share them with everyone in blogland. Read the stories and/or share your own by going here.

My heart has been touched, squeezed, wrung out, and forever changed over the past several days.

I put that Compassion button over in my sidebar the day Sophie and Shannon headed out to Uganda, and I have prayed diligently from the first moment they shared of their opportunity to go on this life-changing adventure.

My heart has ached and the tears have flowed freely as I have watched, read, prayed, and searched my own mind for the response God has for me. He has done a work that will not soon fade from view.

For several years now I have prayed for another child, a child God has placed on my heart. I know that child will not be born from my womb, and I am pretty sure she will not come from this country.

In His timing, God has not seen fit to allow our family to pursue adoption yet. He hasn't told me "No." He has gently been whispering, "Not yet."

Until then, I must be satisfied with the dreams I have of her and with the hope that one day He will bring her home to rest in my arms. So I thought.

However, on Friday, a new little girl was added to our family in a matter of minutes. We went to the Compassion site and chose to sponsor Juana from Guatemala. She is 5 and was born on my birthday.

Now, I may not shelter this precious one in my own home. I may never actually hold her in my arms like this, but I can be a significant part of her life by the giving of my money, my time, and my prayers to make sure she has every opportunity to grow into the young woman God has created her to be. I can, through my gifts, make a change in her family that will endure through future generations.

If you don't already sponsor a child, I would heartily encourage you to embrace the motto of Compassion and begin the process of "releasing a child from poverty in Jesus' name." All you need to do is click here. Let you heart lead you. God will do the rest.

I know the bloggers are headed home, due to return to US soil today. Yet it is not too late to do something life-changing. Only you know how that looks for you.

I don't know when God will move in the arena of adoption for our family. I do know my heart is still wide open for Him to do whatever He will.

All I can tell you right now is that He soothed my aching mama soul just a little bit when I looked into Juana's face and knew that I could help make a difference for her. God can do the same with you. Go check it out now!


"Anyone who receives a prophet because he is a prophet will receive a prophet's reward, and anyone who receives a righteous man because he is a righteous man will receive a righteous man's reward. And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward."
Matthew 10:41-42

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  Pam fearlessly posted at 2/18/2008 08:50:00 AM  
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Thursday, February 14, 2008
Love: What Better Way to Fill a Thanks Tank #91

I know I've been scarce this week, but I had family in from out of town and left my Mac practically untouched for several days in a row . . . with the exception of faithfully checking in on my friends who find themselves on the other side of the world.

Here's how I'm going to do this week's Thanks Tank. I got this idea from my friend, JMom, at Lots of Scotts who has an "I Love . . . " list up at her site today.


I Love . . .

~that DP and I have been married long enough that Valentine's Day is now more about loving on our children and soaking in the deep love we've built over the years than about a box of candy or new jewelry (even tho' the surprise candy last night was delish, and I might have some here in a minute!)

~that I am blessed with three very different children, yet they all love one another deeply . . . regardless of the petty arguments and power struggles.

~that the Lord has humbled me numerous times this week via my virtual visits here

~that I can make a difference by sponsoring a child. You can too!

~having the ability to never run out of gratitude. My cup is overflowing with blessings abundant . . . too many to count here.

~when my parents come to visit, and . . .

~when they leave. (more on that in another post)

~that God cares about all the little things as well as the huge ones.

~that I am not going to meet with what I deserve because of grace.

that I can love because He first loved me.

Happy Valentine's Day!!

What do you love today? Share in the comments or post at your place!



On His Adventure~
Love Pam

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  Pam fearlessly posted at 2/14/2008 08:38:00 AM  
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Monday, February 11, 2008
On Their Way

You'll see a new button in my sidebar today.

It is in honor of what two of my favorite bloggers and a host of others are on their way to do today and this coming week.

Please pray for Shannon and for Sophie as they head to Uganda today with Compassion. They are excited and anxious about what God is going to do through them on this first ever blogging missions trip.

Go to the link in the sidebar or to their sites to read more.


Meanwhile I'm head to pray for each and everyone involved.

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  Pam fearlessly posted at 2/11/2008 07:29:00 AM  
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Friday, February 8, 2008
Fearless Friday #24

To be real honest, as I was growing up I never ever worried about report card day.

I was a geek.

I loved school.

I got all A's, just about all the time.

Now I am a mom.

I can't guarantee what my children will do when it comes to regurgitating material for a test or making the right choices in their conduct.

I must admit that these first progress reports after sending my children back into a public school setting had me a bit disconcerted.

No, that wouldn't be quite accurate.

I was fearful.

Fearful of how they would do.
Fearful of what others would think of my homeschooling.
Fearful that they hadn't learned anything with me in the two and a half years at home.
Fearful that I had "messed" up my children for the rest of their educational careers.

God, in His wisdom, had a friend call me last night.

She gently reminded me, and I am paraphrasing here . . . that I am not able to mess up my children. They are cared for and protected by the God of the Universe. How can I possibly have the power to mess them up when He is on board with them every. single. day?

I know I've shared this verse before, but I am reminded of it again this morning as I once again turn my children back over to the Father who loves them more than I could ever hope to love them:

"I am so pleased that you have continued on in this with us, believing and proclaiming God's Message, from the day you heard it right up to the present. There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears."
Philippians 1:5-6 (The Message)



By the way, each progress report was significantly better than I had anticipated.

This is so true:

FEAR = FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL


I plan to go about the rest of my day listening and reading TRUTH rather than being caught up with falsehoods from the father of lies! That's the first step to walking
WITHOUT FEAR.

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  Pam fearlessly posted at 2/08/2008 08:42:00 AM  
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Thursday, February 7, 2008
Thursday Thanks Tank #90

Somehow I sit here with the keys feeling like they are sticking under my fingers this morning. Feeling like my desire to be thankful is caught in my throat. I feel beaten up and broken today, and I'm not really even sure why. At least not all of the "why."

We all have weeks when we walk intimately, closely with our Father. Weeks of hearing His voice, feeling His breath upon our cheeks and responding with whispered, sometimes shouted praises.

My week has NOT been one of those. I have grumbled. I have slugged my way through it. Not literally, of course. My fists have not been flailing -- at least not at anyone else but myself. I'm a one-woman wrecking crew when it comes to annihilating my own heart. I need no outside help to bring myself to my figurative knees.

So, rather than continue to effectively pummel myself into submission, I am choosing this very moment to take my eyes off myself and put them where they rightly belong . . . on my Savior, who came to rescue me, at times like this from my own hurtful behaviors.

Here are the ways God is filling my tank, even when I am fighting Him:

He reminds me I am His. (Isaiah 43:1 NIV)
He reminds me He desires me. (John 17:24 NKJV)
He assures me of His everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3 NIV)
He extends His forgiveness . . . again and again. (1 John 1:9 NIV)
He reminds me He is not finished with me. (Philippians 1:6 NIV)
He extends His promises to me. (Hebrews 13:8 NIV)
He carries me. This one gives me hope even after I quit using Loreal to cover them up. (Isaiah 46:4 NIV)
He holds me close. (Psalm 139: 9-10 NIV)
He doesn't condemn me. (Romans 8:1-2 NIV)
He is who He says He is. (Isaiah 43:10 NIV)

So, after this Bible study this morning, I am now ready to face my day with a thankful heart, knowing my God is all around me. His truth will resonate in my heart and carry me through whatever circumstances come my way.

I pray the same for you today, dear one, as you read this.

How is God filling your tank? Let me know in the comments or take the button to your site and make your own list. I'll come visit and share in the blessings and lessons you are learning!

Go now and have a thanks-filled day! I know I will!

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  Pam fearlessly posted at 2/07/2008 08:49:00 AM  
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Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Wednesday Words

"If the LORD had not been on our side—
let Israel say-

if the LORD had not been on our side
when men attacked us,

when their anger flared against us,
they would have swallowed us alive;

the flood would have engulfed us,
the torrent would have swept over us,

the raging waters
would have swept us away.

Praise be to the LORD,
who has not let us be torn by their teeth.

We have escaped like a bird
out of the fowler's snare;
the snare has been broken,
and we have escaped.

Our help is in the name of the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth."

Psalm 124 (NIV)


More from Beth Moore this week . . .

She says in reference to the above Psalm and its writer,

"I can almost hear him chide, 'If God hasn't been good to you, don't bother. If He's never rescued you, save your breath. But if He has, and you know He has, lift your voices and give Him the praise due His name!'"


I praise Him today for rescuing me from myself. I can be the biggest obstacle there is to my own success and spiritual health. It is my own flesh at war with my spirit. The old adage is most true in my life. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

May I remember today, regardless of what comes my way; God has already rescued me. I am His, and I am safe in His arms. I pray these words resound with you today, too.

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  Pam fearlessly posted at 2/06/2008 09:29:00 AM  
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Friday, February 1, 2008
Fearless Friday #23

I love the ocean. I love its majesty. I love that it is ever-changing, yet ever so predictable. The tides rise and fall. The waves crash on the shore and leave it changed. To me, there is no greater example of the presence of God than at the beach.

Peace washes over me when I am in the presence of the ocean.

I've seen the ocean calm and almost placid in nature. Security wraps me in its embrace as my Father calms my soul. I enjoy this time. Yet, this time at the ocean is not necessarily my favorite.

Instead, I've ventured near the ocean in the midst of an oncoming hurricane. Awe-inspiring and wildly engaging, as the hand of God reminds me how small I am in light of His powerful creation. For a moment I could understand those who seek extreme sports in an effort to secure a momentary thrill.

I giggled like a young school girl as the salty spray and whirling sand stung my cheeks and found its way into my open grin. Not real tasty, but certainly unforgettable.

This image is emblazoned in my memory. Should I have been afraid in the face of a near certain disaster that sent many scrambling to batten down the hatches and flee for safety? Surely I should have exercised a bit of caution.

Yet, I am exhilarated, even in recall, as I think of the sheer power our God exudes with the breath of the wind at His command.

I give myself way too much credit if I think I can exercise even one iota of control over my own life. He is at the helm, and in His hands my life is secure. My future is certain, and I need not worry one moment over what will come next.

"Honor the wonderful name

of the LORD,

and worship the LORD

most holy and glorious. The voice of the LORD

echoes over the oceans.

The glorious LORD God

thunders

above the roar

of the raging sea,

and his voice is mighty

and marvelous."

Psalm 29:2-4 (CEV)

FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real

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  Pam fearlessly posted at 2/01/2008 07:48:00 AM  
  8 came and visited



About Me

Name:
Pam


I'm a lover of Jesus, lover of my DP (Darling Prince), and lover of my three blessings: Libbyline(12), Sweetcheeks(9), and John Deere Green(8). I am daily discovering the truth that "only perfect love casts out fear." Come along with me as I post my heart fearlessly.

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