My week has been one of ups and downs and lots of introspection.

I'll spare you the details of the thoughts that crash wildly around in my grey matter and get on with the ways God has chosen to fill my tank this week:

Listening: How precious it is to find someone who will just take the time to listen when the heart is bruised and in need of solace and understanding. Thanks, Honey!

Cuddles: My Sweetcheeks is not much for this at all, so when she came in yesterday morning from having a nightmare we had an unusual chance to snuggle up close and pray. I love tender moments like those!

Perspective: I was having a bit of an emotional pity party yesterday, but as I take the time to be grateful on purpose -- how my little piddly sorrows diminish. God has blessed me abundantly, just as He promised in John 10:10.

Creative Cooking: I've always said I am the best cook when my pantry is the emptiest. We've eaten well and enjoyed it this week, all at the expense of a pantry at its most meager right before pay day. Thank you, Lord, for enabling me to cook regularly, even extravagantly without a recipe.

Pay Day: After a loooong month of January, the day of exchange is finally here. We will get to exchange my DP's pay for some paid bills and groceries. I am grateful. We made it!

Glory: I see God's glory displayed everywhere I look: from the blustery breezes, to the majestic oak, to the bowed head of a fellow worshipper, to the crying child who needs a forever family. He has made it all. Glory be to Him alone!!

Smiles: Sometimes it can make all the difference in whether I feel welcome somewhere or not. It doesn't take long, and it reaps rewards long after it's finished.

Goals: I am finding I must set these and tell others of them in order to find accountability for myself and all my free time. Goals focus my mind and give purpose to my day.

Uneventful Days: After a really eventful one last Friday that I will one day use in a post, I have been thankful for days in which nothing outstanding occurs.

A Full Heart: I am utterly grateful for my Jesus who makes this whole post possible. Without Him I am nothing, and this thanks tank is non-existent.

Now it's your turn! Comment on God's goodness here or take the Thanks tank button to your site and make your own list. Either way, I would love to be in on the way God is filling your tank!

Labels: blessings, gratitude, thanks tank, thanksgiving

Labels: childhood, fun, photos, Wordless Wednesday

I have known about, prayed for, and been involved with Proverbs 31 Ministries for about eight years or so. Our women's ministry had the pleasure of securing a wonderful Proverbs 31 speaker to come and share with our ladies at a retreat when I still had at least one in diapers.

Around that same time, I also had the opportunity to speak to our women's ministry. I was fearful, but I followed God's leading and was truly blessed as I felt Him carrying me through my talk to these sweet women.

I had heard about the She Speaks Conference and knew it would have a profound impact on my ability to share my heart with other women who have walked a similar journey fraught with fear, feeling insignificant, and struggling with the perplexing symptoms of fibromyalgia.

Yet I have ultimately thrilled at seeing God's hand and knowing He has victory prescribed for all of us who believe and trust in Him.

Over the years since I first heard about the conference, I have secretly hoped to attend. I think my fears have kept me from applying in the past, but the financial burden is certainly a consideration as well.

So, I am taking a leap this time. I am leaving my fear behind, claiming my life verse above as a promise, and throwing my proverbial "hat" in the ring! (I guess getting the hat wouldn't be such a leap since I've already got the boots!)

If God wants me there to change my life, and in turn, change the lives of others who may later hear or read my story . . . then I am trusting Him to go before me, place favor over me, and allow me to win the scholarship that is available.

If it isn't His choice for me at this time, I will so look forward to reading and hearing the testimonies of those who do attend and how God has worked in them to spread His message of love to women all over the world!

Either way, it is exciting being in the loop of what God is doing. That's why I'm still here!

So, go check out all the juicy details here:

Proverbs 31 Ministries and Lysa TerKeurst are hosting a scholarship contest to attend this summer's She Speaks Conference in Concord, NC. The conference is June 20-22, 2008, and the scholarship covers the entire cost of the conference, with you needing to provide transportation only.

PLUS, you will get a chance to meet and hear Sophie from Boomama, Melanie from BigMama, and Shannon from Rocks in My Dryer all wax eloquently on all things bloggy!

Go on and check it out! Maybe God has an opportunity for you at this conference! You'll never know unless you step out Without Fear!

Labels: contest, freedom, joy, stepping out

Shannon's at it again. She's got the whole world giving things away, and it's incredible as usual. I'd recommend heading over there as soon as you're done reading the mundane I've shared here.

I haven't been tagged in forever, so I thought I'd play along with Kate today. Here goes:

1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages.)
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people.

Well, guess what just happened to be the closest book today? Stepping Up . . . by Beth Moore, of course!

Satan is the author of isolation. The more our enemy takes us captive, the further we distance ourselves from healthy people. If we remain in captivity long enough, our circle will get smaller and smaller.

I almost never ever tag anyone, so I think I'll just let you tag yourself if you'd like to join in on this simple meme.

I, however, plan to head on over here to increase my chances of winning something free!

Join in if you would like. I haven't decided if I will give away anything yet or not . . . Have fun!

Labels: fun, meme, randomness

Labels: blessings, gratitude, humility, intentional, thanks tank

Labels: celebrations, childhood, God's Word, tragedy, tribute, truth

Labels: truth, Wednesday Words

Found this at Antique Mommy awhile back, and it fits the bill for today . . .

Still amazed: that Jesus would die for a wretch like me.

Still getting used to: the new freedom of being in my 40's. That used to sound so old! Now it sounds like just gettin' started.

Still loving: my DP after 14 short years together.

Still proud of: having three children sans epidurals and pain meds. No need to share the details of hating needles more than pain itself, now do I? (Oh, guess I just did!)

Still not proud of: lies I've told to somehow make my life less complicated. Never really worked anyway, and I've spent many years confessing and asking forgiveness.

Still hoping: to be involved in the cause of adoption, either personally or helping others to adopt.

Still worried: about way too much of everything.

Still never going to: wear a tube top or eat anchovies on purpose.

Still pretending: that I'll get "discovered" someday.

Still reading: just about anything I can get into my hands. Must have bathroom reading! Currently reading this.

Still wanting to read: more than this list can contain.

Still interested in: blogging, (though I've not given it much time lately) floral arranging, painting, scrapbooking, singing, and shelling (Sanibel is definitely calling my name.)

Still not interested in: celebrities in general and all their sad escapades that make the news.

Still looking forward to: riding horses with my husband someday while wearing my favorite red boots.

Still not looking forward to: putting my feet in "those kind" of stirrups. (a yearly event, unfortunately)

Still failing: to leave it all in God's very capable hands.

Still grateful for: every single day of life and those who share it with me.

Still praying: for a little dark-eyed girl who may someday join our family.

Still not believing in: the image our media wants us to believe women should carry.

Still believing in: Jesus and being created in His image alone.

What are YOU still doing?

* * *

Be still and know that I am God ~ Psalm 46:10

Labels: meme, mind dribbles, randomness

Y'all were so great in sharing my woes regarding my missing flatware. As soon as it warms up I may take Barb's suggestion and look in the back yard, or on "Camp Kid" (the name my children call the hill behind our house).

Until then, I have some other questions I need to ask . . .

• Is it unrealistic to expect that my daughters, who have been back from their Thanksgiving vacation for, oh . . . NINE weeks, should have completely unpacked their luggage?
• Is it unrealistic for me to expect for a book on hamsters that I've been finding all over my house to make its way to a bookshelf or be sold, considering we took all hamsters back to PetSmart several days BEFORE Christmas? (Yes, this is where the "PetSmart" of our story began! We'll not be doing rodents around here again any time soon, ha ha!! Cue the maniacal laughter here)
  
• Is it unrealistic for me to expect that DP will get his clothes into the hamper or his kleenex into the trash can after wearing and using said items? It has been 14 years, y'all!
• Is it unrealistic for me to expect that when it is winter my children will gravitate toward wearing long sleeves and long pants rather than running around in short sleeves and shorts, complaining about how cold it is in our house all the time?
• Is it unrealistic to expect that after 41 years of knowing myself that I still get surprised at the way I react to all the unmet expectations that come my way?

These are my top five. I guess maybe if I run out of questions to ask I'll open up myself for you to ask questions of me. I just keep thinking no one would have any questions of me anyway, so why bother . . . you know how that goes.

What do you find unrealistic expectations in your life?

What happens at your house that causes you to say, "I just can't believe they did /didn't do that?"

Let me know.

Until we figure it all out . . . here is truth to fill in that void of unmet expectations:

Labels: childhood, family, randomness

When I got married I registered for flatware. DP and I were in agreement on the pattern, so we chose this.

Though it was interesting/odd to me that people would actually buy one piece of the flatware as a gift, I was thrilled that once it was all said and done we had a full service for eight, including the iced tea spoons (a must if you are going to live in the South). I even bought an extra four spoons at the Oneida outlet.

In addition to the Louisiana, we also received another boxed set of flatware. It had four place settings + an extra eight spoons.

Now, I am not good at math, but I can do simple addition. I started out with 24, count them, 24 teaspoons.

Today as I was about to sit down to my bowl of Fruity Cheerios with vanilla soy milk, I almost had to eat with one of these, because I could not find one clean teaspoon . . . and that would never do, not at all!

So, I'm wondering, am I the only woman around who has disappearing items from her home? Where do the spoons go? Or the socks? Or the mittens? Or . . . You fill in the blank.

I'm going to look under JD's bed. Last time I checked under there, I found an empty jar of strawberry jam . . . and . . . you guessed it, one of my teaspoons.

Have a great weekend, y'all!

Labels: fun, mind dribbles, randomness

Hard to fathom that it is Thursday already. The week has sped by on winged feet, it seems. I've been learning lots about myself, lots about my children, and lots about this school system to which I've entrusted my precious ones. God has not left me in the midst of any of it, so here are the ways He is choosing to fill my tank this week:

1. Auntie Pam: Yes, I became an aunt for the second time this week. My brother and his wife had a baby girl Tuesday in Ohio. She was 8lbs. 9 oz. and 19 1/2" long. She is doing quite well and will get to go home tomorrow when her mama is released due to a C-section. Her big brother is four, and he is completely enamored by his new baby sister.

2. Ear muffs: I got a pair of these for Christmas in '06, but I've only worn them twice. Last night, with all the cold and snow, I broke them out and donned them for the third time. Toasty, I tell you!

3. Lunch: I know it seems mundane, but not so when I had lunch at school for the very first time with JD Green. He had come under some heat for playing during lunch the day before, so we had to sit at a table all by ourselves. My heart went out to him as he passed by all his classmates and dutifully headed for the lone table facing the wall. Another little boy got sent over there while we were dining. After asking me tons of questions, he said wistfully, "My mama has never come to eat lunch with me. JD is really lucky." No, baby, I am the one who is blessed. every. single. day. So glad this boy is mine.

4. Exercising: It is making a difference, y'all! I know that sounds silly, but after finding myself sinking into that all-too-familiar black hole again, I am thrilled to report not only a change of shape from the sweating I'm doing . . . but also a change of mood. I can think more clearly and my attitude is better, too. Multiple benefits -- Woo hoo!!! Tony is the man!

5. Books: I've been to the library three times now since the kids went back to school, and I am having a blast. I picked up Ted Dekker's Heaven's Wager and finished it in three days. (I could have finished it quicker if I hadn't fallen asleep two different nights while reading, but I attribute that to my time with Tony during the day.) I love reading, and I am thrilled to have the time to soak in some good books right now. I picked up this one yesterday and plan to start it today or tomorrow.

6. Bible Study: I am beginning a study with Beth Moore next Tuesday. Yes, I wish I were headed to Houston every Tuesday to do Breaking Free with her group at her church, but I am going to be learning and fellowshipping with some lovely ladies from my own church.

We are doing Stepping Up: A Journey Through the Psalms of Ascent, and I am SO excited. I've not done a Beth Moore study since Believing God in the Spring of '06, so it. is. time! Check out her blog sometime. She is doing a roll call right now and calling all "siestas" to come and let themselves be counted! It is so cool to see all these women around the world learning and growing together through these studies.

7. Quiet: I know I was thankful for this last week, but I am savoring it even more this week as I am getting more used to the quiet and finding myself less disconcerted over it. I am learning to listen for my Savior's voice and long for Him to speak to me in the midst of the stillness in my home.

8. Resources: There is a parent coordinator at the elementary school my children attend. She and I had a fabulous 2-hour talk on Tuesday. I was the only mama who showed up for PASS (Parents Assuring Student Success), so I had her undivided attention. She was a wealth of information, both academic and community related. I left with several phone numbers to contact and a cookbook. Plus, she is a believer and also has fibromyalgia, so we have that in common as well. What a helpful time!

9. God's provision: He continues to carry us through a month that is usually quite tight financially. I am so grateful for soups and casseroles that stretch our grocery budget.

10. God's Word: Here is our new verse to memorize this month as a family:

Labels: Beth Moore, blessings, God's Word, gratitude, thanks tank

UPDATE: Well, I just got home a few minutes ago after taking all of my family to their respective schools. The snow turned to rain and school was NOT cancelled.

Sweetcheeks was highly offended that she'd gone to bed looking foolish and still had to go to school today. Oh well, better luck next time . . .

Labels: childhood, fun, snow

I haven't done one of these in forever because I never feel like I have anything unique or creative to add to the already burgeoning list of participants.

Yet, today I had an "a-ha" moment with an "a-ha" use for something in my home.

Updated to help give a real visual:

I have one of these that just so happens to sit unused right now, in of all places, my whirlpool tub (which is also unused this time of year). Tony doesn't require a fit ball, so I put it into temporary retirement. Thus the use today.

I needed a place to air dry a sweater, but I don't have one of these anymore and any other place is in the way.

So, I am using my fit ball to dry my sweater, without creases and wrinkles, out of the way of busy family members that tend to leave delicates crushed in their wake.

That's my contribution today! For other crafty tips, head on over to Shannon's.

On His Adventure~
Pam

Labels: chores, tips, Works-for-Me Wednesday

Labels: celebrations, childhood, food

Labels: blessings, fearless friday, shadows

Good Morning!

Welcome to the first Thanks Tank of 2008!!

Considering the week I've had, this could be a long one, but I'll try to just hit the highlights. Here's how God is filling my tank this week:

1. Public School: For a variety of reasons we have chosen to send our children back into this environment, and so far I have seen God's hand at every juncture.

2. Christian Teachers: The school our children attend is full of them, and each one of my sweeties is blessed with one. How cool is that!

3. Excited Children: Though they have cried this week that they miss me, my children are excited about learning and filled with joy at all the new experiences they are facing each day.

4. Bus Service: I didn't think I'd be willing to send my children on the bus, but it is the last stop on the way to school and the first drop off at the end of the day -- making their time on the bus a mere 5 minutes or so.

5. Domestic Victories: After reading about Barb's success here, I decided to try to overcome 14 years of miserable chocolate chip cookie failure. DP's favorite is chocolate chip, and I can never make a decent one. No more!! Here are the results:


All cookies shown above have been pronounced terrific by the beloved in my household and JD Green even had to make a huge announcement when DP bit into his first delectable morsel,

"Dad, these are not store bought ones! She made these from scratch at our house!!" So, thank you, Barb, and thanks, too, to the Butler and the Butler's Wife whose recipe I used. Our family pays homage to you.

6. Quiet: I have not known what that is for a very long time, but I am thankful for the quiet moments that allow me to begin to choose how I want to spend/invest my time. I heard this song this morning on the way home from taking DP to work. I so needed to hear it for the reminder it shares to be quiet before the Lord.

7. Choir: How I love the heart of our worship pastor! The way he shepherds our choir is amazing, and I am so blessed to be part of this ministry. I went home last night having worshipped and full from the way God met me in the midst of it. Thanks, Josh!

8. Caller ID: I love the way I can choose whether I want to answer the phone or not. I do not avoid calls from friends, but I do choose not to pick up those calls from the innumerable telemarketers that dial my number. What a blessing and timesaver!

9. Exercise: Ah! The tinge of pain to confirm the fact that under the squishy is muscle . . . unused muscle, but muscle nonetheless. Tony worked me over yesterday, but it is refreshing to have a reminder of those muscles I've left dormant for months. I'm headed back to deal with him again today, after this post is finished. "Downward Dog", here I come!

10. Relief: The knowledge that I am exactly where God wants me right now is beginning to set my soul at rest. The anxiety will dissipate and the knot in my stomach will go away, and all that will be left is relief and peace only my Savior can provide.

So, I managed to condense the bounty of blessings into something readable and manageable in one sitting. Please, feel free to join in and let us all know how God is filling your tank!!

Leave a comment here or take the button and make your own list like these lovely ladies have.

Have a thanks-filled day!!

On His Adventure~

Pam

Labels: beginnings, blessings, cool things, gratitude, joy, thanks tank

Don't tell DP, but I have a date this morning.

We've not gotten together in a long time. Until now I've not really missed him, but Tony's voice has been echoing in my head lately.

I guess it's the whole "new year, new you" thing that permeates every advertisement and blog post you browse lately.

So, in a very few short minutes, after donning my extra supportive sports bra and other sweat-worthy exercise togs, I will be increasing my heart rate and facing the challenge that is Tony . . . including the bonus AB RIPPER 2oo . . .

If you hear my groaning from the comfort of your own home, please call 911 and send them to my neighborhood.

Before I head off into the land of the physically challenged, I thought I'd do a quick update of:

Labels: exercise, freedom, happies, randomness

Thank you to all of you who encouraged me and my weepy self yesterday. I know God has plans and will reveal them to me in His timing.

Thank you, too, for reminding me that it is ok to take time for me and rest. You'll never know how much your affirmation and cheerleading of sorts has bolstered me and given me strength to do what I have felt is best for me.

Let me tell you about my "God Wink" from yesterday:

I was just surfing around the blogosphere, checking in on some of my favorite places via Google Reader, and I came to rest at My Quiet Corner, where momrn2 is one of my dearest blogging friends. We've often marveled at our likenesses and similarities, so much so that I have told her more than once that I could have written some of her posts myself.

Yesterday was one of those days, and while I was in the midst of writing a comment to let her know how much her post meant to me and how I felt like she'd crawled inside my head and heart -- the phone rang and she was on the other end!

This call was a "God Wink" in my day. He knew exactly what I needed and when I needed it. He delivered when I least expected it and I was happily overwhelmed by His goodness.

We had a wonderful chat about all kinds of things, and she affirmed me in a way that just resounded with all the other positive encouragement I've been receiving these past few weeks.

God has used so many avenues to bring home the same point in my life, and I am deeply moved and incredibly grateful for His tender compassion over me. He is surely all about letting me know this promise is abundantly true in my life:

The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
His mercies never cease.
Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies begin afresh each morning.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;
therefore, I will hope in him!”

Lamentations 3:2-24 (NLT)

So, thank you, momrn2, and all the rest of you for letting God use you to be a balm to my heart and my soul. I knew He would use others to comfort me, but I didn't anticipate how.

He has great plans for all of us, and He can use you when you least expect it.

I still plan to do a quick recap of our last two weeks, but not today. I'm off to get some rest.

***By the way, DP is thrilled today after the trouncing Ohio State suffered at the hands of his beloved Tigers. I can't even call my dad for fear of hearing funeral dirge music blaring over the phone. He may not even get out of bed today.

Labels: comfort, God's Word, life, mighty

Ok. It is finally time. I've been mighty silent these past two weeks or so.

It is time to break the silence and let y'all know what's been going on in my little world.

I didn't wish anybody "Merry Christmas" or "Happy New Year".

{More on my holidays later in another post.}

I didn't really intend to stay away so long when I left. Yet circumstances necessitated the break.


So, with the obligatory greetings out of the way, let's get right down to it.

I've been sitting in front of this screen for almost two hours, well, on and off between loads of laundry and other tasks that beckon me from my all-too-quiet home.

My mind is awhirl with all that has transpired in the last few weeks, and I am also quaking inside from the events of this morning alone.

I managed to put on a brave face for my darlings this morning, yet I was acutely aware of all my feelings as my face crumpled when I returned to the van alone to take DP to work this morning.

So many mixed emotions fill my little heart this day. Yet, I take comfort in the verse above, as well as the knowledge that my Heavenly Father is not surprised by the details of this day or any other I face while I am here on this earth.

• He knew from the beginning of time that I would send my three children back to public school today.
• He knew I would try valiantly to homeschool.
• He knew I would try to obey Him in that venture.
• He knew the obstacles I would face.
• He knew the personalities of my children.
• He knew the demons I would fight to educate my children at home.
• He knew it would stress me out and cause me to fall on my face before Him.
• He knew homeschooling would drive our family to our knees for wisdom.
• He knew I was not cut out to be a homeschooling mom forever.
• He is NOT disappointed in me one iota for driving my children to school today and dropping them off with ladies who have been called to teach and love their chosen careers.
• He is not surprised that my heart is feeling like it is being ripped from my chest.
• He is also not surprised that a small, but ever-growing part of me is relieved that I am no longer wandering around in a forest of unfamiliarity, banging my head against the trees in trying to accomplish a task not suited for me.
• He is not surprised at my weaknesses, and He does not patronize me for them.
  
• He will comfort me and send others to comfort me as well.
• He gets me. This song has touched my heart today.
• He knows where I am headed next. Oh, how glad I am of that!

So, what do I do next? For the first time since Libbyline joined me in our little apartment in Dallas, Texas, I am alone. After 12 + years, I am on my own for almost eight hours every weekday.

I drove home this morning after heading to the local tire place to get one fixed after a flat we got on the way to XL last night. I pulled into the driveway and thought, "I am by myself!?! For hours on end!! What do I do now?"

Now, the possibilities are endless. I think that is what has my mind whirling this morning. I can do tons of things, but yet part of me is so emotionally and physically exhausted from the past couple of years that I long to shove all the opportunities aside for a little bit and catch up on my rest.

Maybe that's ok for a little while.

As the days and weeks unfold, I will be sharing more of our journey and decision to end our homeschooling path. Know that we came to a peaceful realization that this was the right time for all five of us to embark on something new and fresh for the year.

Also, know that I will be sharing the ways God will be filling my time and my tank. I'm so sorry I missed out on a couple of weeks of Thanks Tanks, but I really felt a need to focus on my children wholeheartedly these past two weeks as I said "goodbye" to all we'd known as familiar to us. I have still been reading your blogs over the break and will make more of a concerted effort to comment in the coming days.

So, while I have stepped into a new "river" of sorts as I start this new journey with my family, I am comforted by the promise that "they will not sweep over [me]" Isaiah 43:2

I would truly appreciate your prayers as we make this transition as a family.

Labels: childhood, family, homeschooling, stepping out